Funkmaster Flex - The Mix Tape Volume III: 60 Minutes of Funk The Final Chapter (CD, 1998)

I'm pretty sure I bought this because of a few Wu-Tang tracks that are on it. Though I think I realized quickly that the track listings on mixes like this always make it seem more appealing than it usually ends up being. This is a long disc (they should have called it 75 Minutes of Funk), and sifting through the crap I don't care about must have ended up being more trouble than it was worth, because I can't remember the last time I listened to this CD.

One thing you have to get past when listening to any "mix tape" are the inevitable intros and sporadic shout-outs by the DJ. Funkmaster Flex's voice really grates on me, so when he gets to yellin' on this thing, I'm always more than ready for him to shut the hell up and let the dudes "freestyle." I'm putting that in quotes because, as usual, while some of the verses were clearly made up on the spot, a lot of 'em obviously weren't. In fact, most of the songs have a second track of back-up vocals. Maybe I just don't understand how these things work.

Along those same lines, while it sounds like a cool idea to hear Mack 10 freestyle over Wu-Tang's "MGM," it doesn't really work. Same with the other handful of people that rap over well-known Wu songs. I can see how it would kind of fun to hear it live on the radio, and I think the idea of this is sort of recreate that vibe, but it never really worked for me.

Maybe I'm just not a mix tape kind of guy.

"Wu-Tang Cream Team Line-Up"

Funkdoobiest - Brothas Doobie (CD, 1995)

I've been listening to this album, trying to convince myself that Funkdoobiest didn't fall way off after their solid debut, but I'm having a hard time doing that. I've only owned this CD for maybe a year, and each time I listen to it, I remember why I stopped listening to it the last time I started.

If Sun Doobie had porno predilections on their debut, by this point it was an obsession. Tracks like "Pussy Ain't Shit," "XXX Funk," and "Superhoes" aren't much more than potty-mouthed throwaways that have little to no redeeming value. And while Sun Doobie has some clever lines sporadically placed through the rest of the album, he forgets to bring his finest asset: his sense of humor. I don't remember him dropping too many N-bombs on the first record, but he's all about it here, and the hard-edged bravado just doesn't suit him.

Neither do the stoney beats he's rapping over, as they sound more like unused Cypress Hill interludes than the uptempo tracks that made their debut album so much fun. By the time they break out the solid "Who Ra Ra," the album's over and it's too late to save it.

It's a damn shame to see Sun fall into the same bullshit that everyone else was harping on, especially when he had managed to come out the gate with something different.

So it goes.

"Rock On"

Funkdoobiest - Which Doobie U B? (CD, 1994)

I'm fairly certain the first time I heard Sun Doobie (the Vocal Avenger) was on "Conspiracy of Silence," one of my favorite cuts from Paris's Sleeping With the Enemy LP. I had no idea who the dude was, but I knew I liked his voice. He showed up again on House of Pain's debut, and I soon figured out that he was from Funkdoobiest, the third group in the Soul Assassins collective (House of Pain and Cypress Hill being the other two).

I was really down with the House and the Hill, and I was ready for the Funkdoobiest album, which was rumored to be dropping "soon" for quite a while. They may have waited a bit too long (for my tastes, at least), because I remember liking this album quite a bit, but never giving it as much play as I had the House of Pain and Cypress Hill debuts. They were certainly down with the patented Soul Assassins formula though. Here's how it worked: There was one main rapper, one hype man/secondary rapper (though he never rapped as much as the main rapper, and he had to have a voice that was the exact opposite of the main rapper), and a DJ/producer (though Muggs pretty much produced for all of 'em). Here, I made a chart:
Yep, it's official: I have too much time on my hands.

Cypress Hill smoked blunts, House of Pain were Irish, and Funkdoobiest...well, they liked porno. And while that wasn't all they rapped about, it became an increasingly bigger part of Sun Doobie's character as the group went on. (Remember that line from Eminen's "Guilty Conscience"? This is what he was talking about.) That bit got old quick, and it was frustrating because Sun Doobie really is a great rapper. Lots of metaphors, lots of character, and a great voice.

On this record, he definitely makes it known he likes the ladies, but it doesn't get over the top until the next one. The beats on this record are great for the most part, and if I'm in the right mood, I can still get into it.

"The Funkiest"

Full Force - Full Force (LP, 1985)

It must be discouraging for the members of Full Force to be recognized more for being the "I smell pussy" guys from the House Party films than for their music, though I doubt they get recognized much at all anymore. I guess they can keep crossing their fingers for that Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam comeback...

This LP was a gift from my brother (based solely on the cover), and it's always been more fun to look at than listen to. Every time I play this record, which isn't often, I am utterly amazed at how bad it is. And not bad in a strictly dated sort of way (though that is also a problem), but musically, as well. It's some of the most basic music you can imagine, and the fact that it took six dudes to put it together is astounding. It sounds like they just chopped up the drums from Billy Squier's "The Big Beat," fed it into their drum machine, had somebody who could barely play drums make some really basic loops, and then took turns dicking around with vocal parts. It's brutal.

But, like I said, you can't beat that cover. You also can't beat Bow-Legged Lou, and his line from "Unselfish Lover": "I'm comin' inside your love."

It's white slacktastic.

"Alice, I Want You Just For Me!"

Stallion Alert! - Brendan Canty

I realized about halfway through my dissection of Fugazi's records that I wasn't mentioning their drummer nearly enough. While this is at once a meager attempt to make up for that, Canty is a purebred stallion anyway, so it may have been inevitable.

It's hard to fully explain Brendan Canty's contributions to Fugazi, because I'm not sure we're completely aware of them. While he is an incredible drummer and owed just as much credit for the band's unique sound as any of the other three members, I've always been under the impression that he had a lot of input in the songwriting, too. Maybe we'll never know the whole story on that front, but I do know this: watching the man behind his drum kit was always one of the best parts of any Fugazi show. He's incredible at replicating the intricate rhythms of the songs as they were laid down on the albums, and then taking them a step further while making them twice as good. If that makes sense.

So yes, he's an insane drummer. He always seemed like he was a really nice guy, too, and managed to smile more than the other members of the group, all while beating the shit out of his drums and ringing his bell.

Looks like we've got ourselves a stallion.

"Birthday Pony" with Brendan assaulting the skins.

Fugazi - August 7, 1993 Washington, D.C. (2xCD, 2004)

A few years back, Fugazi released a whole bunch of live shows under the Fugazi Live Series umbrella, and to this day, this is the only one I own. I keep meaning to order more, but then I forget. Chumps have 'em pirated all over the web, but I will not stoop to that level. I rarely do the illegal download thing anyway, but when you're stealing music from Fugazi, it's time to reassess your life, and I'm not ready to do that. So, until I hunker down and make it my mission to own the entire series, this remains my lone entry in the bunch.

Why do I have this one? Because I was at the show. I recounted most of the story in this entry, so I won't rehash it too much. But if you recall, I consider this one of the major moments of my teenage years, and the fact that it was released as Volume 8 in this series made me giddy with anticipation. My brother and I were so blown away by this show that we recanted our favorite moments for years, almost to the point where we weren't sure if we were remembering everything quite right. So, I was looking forward to hearing if the show was indeed as good as we remembered it, and also to having a definite track list.

I'm not going to song-by-song this one, because I've already covered all these songs in their album form. You can view the tracklist here; it should give you a brief overview of how long they played (a solid hour and a half), and what they played (if you care). Like I mentioned previously, In On the Kill Taker had just been released, so they were clearly ready to work those into the set. Eleven of the twenty songs were from that album, encompassing the entire record minus "Last Chance for a Slow Dance." Not bad. Of the remaining nine, they played two from Steady Diet of Nothing, three from Repeater, two from Margin Walker, and two from 7 Songs. You really couldn't have asked for a better representation of their work.

It made for an incredible show, and though the recording on these discs is pretty rough, it all comes across really well. Turns out the things we remembered really did happen: Guy knocked his mic over during "Turnover," and Ian had to pick up his "I'm only sleeping" line, which we thought was about the coolest thing ever, and Ian stuck a little jab into one of DC's finest when he introduced "Great Cop." There wasn't a lot of banter during the show, but the small talk between some of the songs certainly brought back some memories.

There was footage of the show included in the Instrument film, but it was grainy black and white, and didn't include the original audio. I was excited to see it, but also a little let down that there wasn't more. A few years ago I came across a YouTube video that was from the show. It was shaky handi-cam footage, but whoever filmed it seemed to be in the same general area that we were. I don't usually bug people I don't know, but I couldn't help myself. I hit up the guy who had posted the video, asking him if it was his. He said it was, and after he told me he had filmed almost the entire show, I asked him if I could buy a copy. Fifteen bucks later, and I had a bootleg DVD.

Put these together with the photos I took at the show, and I've almost become the unofficial historian for the damn event. Well, not really, but it's nice to have some documentation. The video confirmed what my pictures already had: by the end of this show, there were at least a hundred people onstage with the band, all being cool. I was, and still am, incredibly impressed by that.

"Waiting Room" from the show–the audio's a little out of sync.

Fugazi - The Argument (LP, 2001)

The final Fugazi studio LP, or at least the last one before their still-standing "indefinite hiatus." I don't remember knowing that this would be their last go of it, but it did seem they might be winding down. Some of the members were starting (or adding to) families, and they had been at it for a long time. I can't recall when I heard the official announcement they were disbanding, but I remember being disappointed but not upset. If any group had earned some time off, it was these guys.

If this ends up being the final Fugazi record (and all signs are still pointing to the idea that it will be), we can say without uncertainty that they left us on a high note. Released during the immediate post-9/11 turmoil that had the nation in a frenzy, this album seemed almost a calming message from a group who probably found themselves right in the thick of it. Of course, the songs were recorded months earlier, but the subject matter still seemed not only classically Fugazi-esque, but hyper-relevant. But, that's nothing new. While the tracks are among their most intricate, their anger and frustration are still palpable.

This still seems like the perfect Fugazi record for the new millennium, as corny as that might sound. They sound tight, focused, mature, and still head and shoulders above any band you could name. The songs have become longer, and so have the lyrics. This isn't to allow more room to speak their minds necessarily; it's also just what happens when you're writing songs with lots of individual sections. It's another progression by a band that was never happy to make the same record twice. And while this does seem as the next logical step after End Hits, I don't anybody saw the cello coming.

"Intro" - Still not sure why they bothered to list this as track one and not title it, but that's the deal. I didn't mean to make it sound like there's cello all over this record, but you can hear it here, along with what sounds like a TV or radio.

"Cashout" - Is it possible the band had never addressed homelessness before? This track almost sounds like MacKaye read something in the news and was inspired to write a song about it, though it might not even be that complicated. Again, a poignant take on a tough issue. The verses are almost soft, but the chorus ranks amongst their biggest. The cello helps, lending a weird jaggedness to the bulkiness of it.

"Full Disclosure" - Vintage Picciotto, a song that sounds like it could have been lifted from the In on the Kill Taker sessions. The harmonizing and guitar riffage at the end verges on being (gasp!) poppy, but they wrench it all apart before it's over.

"Epic Problem" - This song really threw me off when I first heard it, due mostly to the telegraph-ish lyric scheme ("Congratulations. Stop."), but as soon as I stopped worrying about that, I couldn't get enough of it. The ending is its own little thing, and one of the most memorable little parts of the whole record:

I've got this epic problem
This epic problem's not a problem for me
And inside I know I'm broken
But I'm working as far as you can see

I have no idea what that means, but I like it.

"Life and Limb" - "Hey - we want our violence doubled." Picciotto sways through this song and almost mumbles his words, but it all completely works. The female backing vocals are a nice touch, and somehow don't sound completely out of place.

"The Kill" - Slow and somehow menacing, Joe Lally takes another crack at it, and this time he employs Ian for the chorus. Of course the lyrics are great, and though it's a little long, it's not tedious. It's a really loose song, but I think it works.

"Strangelight" - From the first few seconds of this song, you would never know it's a Fugazi song, but when the guitar comes in, you know it instantly. This is Guy's "slow one," though it eventually speeds and gets a little feisty in the second half. Probably not my favorite song on this record, but I like it.

"Oh" - Picciotto again, and this time he's flexing upset over a bare-bones track. It's not the first Fugazi song to comment on corporations, but it's not a bad one to add to the list. Contains the line "I'm pissing on your modems," which is sweet.

"Ex-Spectator" - I don't know how Brendan Canty gets his drums to sound like that, but damn, it's nice. MacKaye sounds plenty pissed on this one, and he completely makes the song. The hammering pre-chorus guitars sound positively Repeater.

"Nightshop" - A strange melody for Picciotto, as it seems both really straight ahead and stumbling, maybe due to the fact that it doesn't sound like the stuff he usually sings. They lyrics are great, and though I don't love this song, I do like the way it switches directions.

"Argument" - Not nearly as epic as some of Fugazi's previous closing numbers, but a tremendous song nonetheless. As soon as you realize it's not going to completely explode (we've come to expect this over the years), it's pleasant to sit back and enjoy the ride. The track does get a little juiced up at the end, and that seems like just enough to go out on.

So yes, this record is a bit different than the band's previous releases (no songs in the two-minute range?), but that's what makes it great. I fear that it may not have as much staying power as some of their other ones, but it certainly fits into their catalog nicely.

And don't worry, we're not quite done...

"Cashout"